Toddler Development: Navigating Tricky Social Behaviors
So many of our daily interactions require social skills. Good social skills have benefits way beyond social acceptance; and for our kids, good social skills can lead to better relationships, more success in school, and even less stress.
Some social skills are quite complicated – like knowing when to stand up to a bully or keeping calm when they don’t agree with something. And kids aren’t exactly born knowing how to interact with other people.
The good news is that social skills can be taught. They aren’t something a child either has or doesn’t have. And we, as parents, can help them learn, practice, and develop their social skills.
4 social skills to teach your child
It’s never too soon to start showing kids how to get along with others, and it’s never too late to help them refine their skills too. Start with the most basic social skills first and keep working on more complicated ones over time. Here are five social behaviors you can start practicing now.
Sharing
At around 15 months, children start recognizing there are things they like and want – but they’re not yet at the age of perspective taking. That makes sharing a bit difficult. They may see a toy they like and just take it, without thinking, ‘If I take that, the other person might be upset.’
Practice: We can help teach sharing through validation. For instance, try saying something like, “That’s a great toy, I know you really want that toy, it’s fabulous, Tommy is playing with it right now, and when he’s done you can have a turn.” You can even give them a choice to give the toy back by themselves or have you help them give it back. Doing this arouses empathy; you’re pointing out the effect your kiddo has on their family and the other people around them, whether it’s negative or positive.
Listening
Listening is so much more than just staying quiet while someone else is talking – it also involves absorbing what the other person is saying. It’s a critical part of healthy communication and social behavior. Listening can help kids in school and it's also important when it comes to developing empathy; kids can’t show compassion or offer support to a friend without listening to them first.
Practice: When reading a bedtime story to your little, periodically stop and ask them to tell you about the story or the pictures they see. Pause and say, “Oooh, what’s this picture telling us?” or “What’s happening on this page?” or “How do you think the caterpillar feels after eating all that food?”
Conversing
Having a polite and friendly conversation is a skill that builds off of learning to listen. Knowing how to take turns in a conversation and even paying attention to nonverbal skills takes practice. And little kids, as you know, are still learning to control their impulsivity, which can cause them to interrupt when they get excited about a topic.
Practice: Holding conversations is also a good place to lead by example. When your little is talking to you, make sure you give your full attention and ask questions. (Yes, put that phone down!) You can also help your child practice not interrupting by letting them know it’s okay to say something like, “I have something to say when you’re done” and give them a little wink that you heard them.
Using manners
Manners can go a long way toward helping your child gain acceptance and respect from their peers and even adults. Of course, with kids, teaching manners can sometimes feel like a battle (burping is so funny, after all!). But it’s important for kids to know how to be polite and respectful – especially when they’re around other people.
Practice: The best way to help your child learn manners is by example! Be a good role model when it comes to your manners. That means saying, “No, thank you,” “Yes, please” and “Thank you” to your child on a regular basis. You can also offer reminders when your kiddo forgets to use manners (e.g., “Excuse you” after a burp). and give them praise whenever you catch them being polite. There is no need to say, “What do you say…” to your child if a ‘thank you’ is warranted. They will only be saying it because they are told to say it - there is no meaning behind it for them. They will learn by modeling you.
Watching our kids grow and become social little creatures is such an exciting part about being a parent! It’s definitely one of those things where leading by example, treating your child with respect, and setting healthy boundaries can help them grow a lot. Just remember to have patience, after all, there are some adults who struggle in social situations too. 😉
And if your little one is struggling or you have questions about socially acceptable behavior or just behavior in general, we can help! Schedule a FREE 15-minute phone consultation with us now! (Or drop us your questions on Instagram – @healthylittlesleepers!)