How to help a kiddo with anxiety
Do you have a little worrier? It’s normal for kiddos to be worried or stressed from time to time – and actually, it can even be a good thing (after all, fear is what keeps your child from running in the street or going home with a stranger). But sometimes, that worry and stress can turn into real generalized anxiety for them.
The way you help your kiddo’s with their anxiety can make a huge difference in how they learn to cope with those anxious feelings. Unlike adults, your little one usually doesn’t realize their worries are more intense than the situation warrants. Always know that reassurance from you makes a world of difference.
Here’s what you need to know about recognizing that your little one might have anxiety and how to support them in their uncomfortable feelings. (Please know that each child may experience symptoms differently.)
Disclaimer: This article is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. You should always check with your child’s pediatrician or another medical doctor if you feel your child has anxiety or another mental health disorder.
* * *
Signs of anxiety in kids
Anxiety is pretty common, in fact, 9.4% of children aged 3-17 have been diagnosed with anxiety at some point (that’s about 5.8 million kids!).
Trying to figure out if your little actually has anxiety (versus being worried every so often), can be a little tricky (always consult with your pediatrician - especially if signs last 2 months or more, but there are usually a few signs you can look out for.
Worrying about things before they happen
Worrying about performance or competence in school or in sports
Constant thoughts and fears about safety of self or parents
Refusing to go to daycare/school
Frequent stomachaches, headaches or other physical complaints
Clingy behavior with family members
Excessive worry about sleeping away from home
Easily angered or frustrated (which may look like being more fussy, or whiny)
Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank
Inability to relax
Fatigue
Irritability
Please know that this is not an exhaustive list, as there are many other symptoms that can present with anxiety.
* * *
How to support a child with anxiety
No parent wants to see their little unhappy or stressed, but the best way to help a kiddo deal with their anxiety isn’t necessarily to remove the stress altogether. Instead, we need to support them and help them feel safe and secure, even when they’re anxious.
Validate their feelings
When your kiddo says they're worried about something, it can be tempting to say things like, “Oh, it’s not a big deal,” or “Don’t worry about this, it’ll be fine,” or “There’s nothing to worry about.”
When you say things like this, it sends the message that your little’s feelings are wrong. Instead, validate their feelings by saying something like, “It sounds like you’re feeling really nervous right now,” or “I’d be a little anxious too if I had to get up in front of a big crowd.” Basically, you want them to know that it’s tough to do scary things, but you’re confident they can be brave and do it anyway.
Help them distinguish between real fears and false alarms
Depending on your little’s age, you can talk to them about how this worry can be helpful in keeping them safe. For instance, real fear would be if they were being chased by a bear; their worry would signal to their brain that they are in danger and should run.
A false alarm is when they’re scared or worried about something that isn’t life or death, like taking a test, meeting someone new, falling behind in work. You can explain that if it’s a real threat, they should listen to those alarm bells and take action to stay safe, but if it’s a false alarm, it’s a good idea to face their fears (They’ll need more help with how to do that.)
Teach deep breathing
Slow, deep breaths can help lessen the feeling of anxiety. If your little experiences a big worry, teach them how to calm their body with some simple breath exercises. Tell them to pretend they’re blowing bubbles; they have to take a big deep breath in and exhale slowly and softly – like they’re trying to blow a big bubble. You can practice this exercise with them at bedtime too, to help them relax before they fall asleep.
Use essential oils
This can really help with the breathing part too. My family has incorporated essential oils in our life for both stress and sleep! Scents like wild orange, lavender, and balance are great in reducing stress. In fact, there is even research that shows a significant reduction in cortisol levels (our stress hormone) when using lavender. You can use aromatherapy inhaler sticks (we usually fill them up with himalayan sea salt and it lasts SO long). I personally use DōTerra and have the best person to help you with all the things you might want - Melody Brandon. This is a great anxiety bundle we put together, and you get wholesale pricing with my link! (You can add and remove anything from the bundle and make it your own too!)
Help them challenge negative thoughts
Negative thinking can cause anxiety and lower a child’s self-esteem. You can help your little identify their negative thoughts by helping them make a list. (Depending on their age, you can write it out for them, or have them draw those thoughts.)
Then, tell them when those thoughts pop into their head, they should “change the channel” (or swipe to a new video? haha!). That may mean having a go-to happy thought they can switch to (like a thought of gratitude) or that might mean getting up and moving – whatever is best for your little’s personality and the situation.
Know when to seek professional help
If your little’s anxiety consistently lasts more than 2 months or it’s interfering with their everyday functioning, it’s probably best to reach out to their pediatrician. Each type of anxiety has its own symptoms and its own treatment; your child’s doctor or a therapist will be able to help give your kiddo the skills and confidence they need to cope with their feelings.
If you think your little has anxiety and you’d like more tools to help them cope, Eri Nakagami, PhD, LCSW is here to support you! She’s a family therapist on our Healthy Little Sleepers team and has been working with kids, adults, couples, and families for over 20 years! Book a free initial call with Eri by clicking here!