Dealing with Screen-time Meltdowns

Screen-time for our kids is at an all-time high. This isn’t breaking news though. Last year, Common Sense Media released a study that found that the average time kids spend watching online videos has doubled in four years!  The same study also found that kids aged eight to 12 spend about six hours online each day, and our tots and babies are spending about an hour in front of a screen each day. And that was before all the distance learning and staying at home of 2020!

While it’s amazing to see them learn and adapt to new technologies, I’m sure you’ve also been on the flip side of it—the screen-time meltdown that comes when it’s time for them to power off. If it’s not a meltdown, then they become what I like to call a “screen zombie.” That part isn't fun at all.

There’s actually a kind of crazy reason behind this: screen time (whether that’s watching videos or playing games) activates their brains to a really high degree and increases their dopamine. This is the same dopamine rush addicts get while they’re using their vice—and once that’s taken away from them, they crash. Even when the screens go off their brains are still on, and still going a mile a minute!

That sounds really scary, but the fact is, it’s something we have to learn to manage. Screens are a part of our kids lives—especially now! So how do you deal with it and the inevitable tantrums and fighting when screen-time is over? Here are my tips for dealing with those screen-time meltdowns. 

Give Your Child a Warning Pre-Power Off

Give your child up-front notice that their screen time is nearly up. Something as simple as “you only have five more minutes” sets a precedence and expectations before it happens. 

If your child is younger (like pre-elementary), time can be super abstract; they can’t tell the difference between five and 15 minutes. They just know that at some time their screen time will end, and that abstractness doesn’t make the transition any easier. So I suggest giving them something visual to work as a warning. I really like sand timers or even the old-school kitchen timers that countdown the minutes and seconds that are left.

(BONUS: allow your child to have some control of the situation by letting them set the timer themselves.)

Suggest a Transitional Activity

Our young kids are still learning how to transition from one task to another. They’re still developing their cognitive flexibility, which is part of their executive functioning skills that guide behavior. That means that even without this huge increase in screen time, they’re still going to have a hard time transitioning from one activity to another. Instead of telling them to turn off the screen and leaving it at that, add on another activity they can do to distract themselves. You’re giving them a stepping stool of a lesser stimulating activity, so they can eventually come down fully, without a huge crash.

Change Your Response to the Meltdowns

Even when you take these extra steps, your child will still end up with a crash, so I want you to think about your own response when that happens. Our go-to reaction when we start to see our kids melt down is usually, “Okay, I’ll give you five more minutes,” right?

I worked with a family recently where both parents were working. They were juggling working from home and keeping their child entertained and cared for—so you can guess, their child was getting way too much screen time. But at the end of the day, they couldn’t fully get rid of the screens because they needed that time to work, so we came up with a plan to help their child be successful in his screen-time use.

First of all, I want to note, there is absolutely no shame in this. We’re in a really weird time right now and things are flipped upside down for most of us. We’re all being a little more lenient with screen time because we want to give ourselves a little bit more time too and we just really don’t want to deal with the whining and the nagging. Sometimes we just give in—and that’s fine. But then, when it’s still time to turn the screens off, the meltdown cycle continues.

Because, regardless of what we’re saying and the warnings we’re giving our children, we’re not getting through to them since they’re operating off a really big emotion. They’re mad and upset at having to stop something they were enjoying, and on top of that, they’re dealing with a very real dopamine surge and reeling brain. Help them come down from that crash by connecting with them and acknowledging that you know they’re having a hard time.

The unfortunate bottom line is that the tantrums are going to happen. Our kids’ worlds are not going their way and they’re expressing that emotion. We want to help them through that and guide them so they can learn to self regulate and respond in a different way.

When you put some parameters in place, change your approach to how you handle the situation, and understand where they are at developmentally, you’ll have the tools so you can handle the situation differently. 

If you want more tools for dealing with screen time meltdowns, bedtime battles, and a whole bunch of parenting topics, make sure you get on the waitlist for my next Parenting Bootcamp! We’ll be starting up soon and you don’t want to miss out.